Grateful

Tonight I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for the life that I live, bumps, mountains, valleys and all.  Life can be difficult, more then once I have been thrown a curve ball.  And each time I have fallen to my knees and reached out to my Lord and Savior for guidance, love and help.  I have often stumbled but I have never fallen so deep that God could not pick me up.

There have been times when I felt alone, scared, and uncertain of what the future would hold.  There is no promise of a tomorrow and that can be frightening at times.  However, I find great comfort is knowing that there is a promise of eternal life with Jesus, if I only believe.  And believe I do, with all my heart, with every fiber of my being.  There is nothing or no one that could make me believe otherwise.

To know a God that is all loving, full of mercy and grace.  To have that intimate relationship with Him and know that no matter how lonely I feel, how scared I get, that He is always with me.  He never leaves me, not for a second.  He is all powerful, mighty and majestic.  He is sweet and loving, comforting and caring. 

During my moments of weakness I often think of God our father.  What would my Dad here on Earth do if I was hurting, in pain? He would comfort me, probably give me a hug, bring me a milkshake :) and tell me that he loved me.  I know that our Heavenly Father would do the same and on an even great level.  I find so much comfort knowing this, it makes choosing happiness even in the valleys or climbing the mountains of life just a bit easier.

I feel so blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father.  I am grateful for the people that he has put in my life.  My husband, the man who has taken care of me, comforted me, gently rubbed my head and calmed my fears.  The man who has literally put everything on hold to help me get well.  He has shown his love for me and our family, time and time again through his actions.  Our family is stronger because of Trent.  Our family is happy and loving and kind and good, because of his example and love.

I often pray for Trent as the leader of our family.  What an incredible responsibility to hold.  And yet, he leads our family with such ease and confidence.  I know the experiences of the last few weeks have made him an even greater leader.  He has had to do things that he had never done before, make difficult decisions, and be brave and strong when I am sure he felt weak and alone.  But God has been right beside him, leading him. 

I feel as if our family has been protected, literally covered by God's grace these last few weeks.  My heart is full of gratitude tonight for my life, for my husband, our three sweet healthy children, our family and friends that have reached out to us in our time of need.  The daily phone calls checking in, emails, cards, flowers, dinners, babysitting, rides, and most importantly, prayers.  There have been so many people loving on our family, it has been amazing.

I thank God for all things. 

Life if good.

HaLLoWeeN of ThE pAsT

Besides Christmas, Halloween is one of my FAVORITE holidays. I have always loved it, but now with three little ones it is even SO much more fun.  We spend months, literally, agonizing, changing our minds and then creating most of our costumes.  This year, Daddy and I are even dressing up since the boys have only begged us for two years now to do so! I LOVE Fall and all the fun activities to do around this time of year, I LOVE the cool crisp weather and changing of leaves, I even love the rain and wind.  The colors are fabulous, the food is outstanding and there is just fun to be made at every corner!! I LOVE HALLOWEEN!

I started a tradition last year of pulling our pictures of Halloween past, the kids in their costumes, at the pumpkin patch etc, and decorating with them around the house. It is so fun to see how the kids have changed and what they were "into" that year, or what cutesie costume I got away with putting them in!

Bobafet and Yoda, 2005

Charlie the little Lion, 2006

Charlie, 2006

Charlie as Thomas the Train and Tommy the Great Pumpkin, 2007

Tommy the black kitty and Charlie the orange kitty, Charlie picked out the costumes and Nie Nie made them, 2008

Tyler as Percy, Charlie as the Space Train, Andrew as Thomas and Tommy as a Knight, 2009

Charlie came up with the idea of the Space Train and Mommy made it for him, 2009

Charlie as a Robot, awesome costume that Daddy made and Tommy as a Skeleton, I was induced to have Penny after we went trick or treating this year, 2010

Some of these pictures were taken years before I started keeping this journal, so I thought it would be fun to include them now.  Plus, who can resist a precious kitty cat or pumpkin with striped legs?!
So much fun!!!

Mulberry Corners Pumpkin Patch 2011, A family tradition

Daredevil big brother

following right behind, can't be undone

Precious babies!

Penny LOVED playing on the hay

Some of these pictures are from Trent's phone and came across so small and blurry.  But they still show how much fun we had at the pumpkin patch.

We go almost every year to Mulberry Corners Pumpkin Patch.  These next few pictures are from years in the past.  It is fun to see how the kids have changed and how with each new year there has been another addition.

Charlie October 2006

Tommy October 2007

Penny, October 2011

Random thoughts on Charlie: Fall 2011

While eating Sunday brunch, crispy bacon in hand, Charlie spouts out loud "I never knew a pig could be so dirty and taste so good!" ....has to be the quote of the month!

Charlie is doing so well in school.  Each day he comes home and proudly reports "No card flipping today Mama!", their method of discipline at school.  Heck, if I knew that keeping my kids in line was as simple as flipping a card from green, to yellow or red, I would of made up this card flipping thing myself! 

From the time he gets home to the time he closes his eyes at night we get snippets of the happenings of the day.  Out of no where he will tell me about his reading group and how he got to sit next to his "favorite" friend Ben H.  or how Mrs.G got all grumpy because her smart board wasn't working.  Bedtime is usually when he tells me the important things, like how he is afraid that a little girl told on him to a teacher at recess but that he didn't do anything wrong.  He is scared he will get in trouble and I assure him that if he has good behavior and does the right thing that all will be ok. 

I miss him terribly, sometimes it pulls at my heart strings.  I still crave to have him here with me, teaching him.  But I also know that he is thriving at school and is really happy.  He is also really trying to be a good example and I hear about how he often will help someone or go out of his way to be a good friend.  What more can a Mama want, right?!

He eagerly does his homework and can't wait to play with his brother afterwards.  Whether they are playing LEGO Star Wars on the Wii or building LEGOS in the basement, I see more and more how their friendship is being cemented.  I also see the almost sad look on Tommy's face when Charlie declares that he has a favorite friend at school.  But we are quick to remind them that they are best friends, and always will be.  Even Charlie pipes in that Tom is his bestest friend. 

Charlie is so sweet I love his big hugs each morning and every afternoon.  I love that he still wants me to sing his night night kitty song to him before bed every evening and how he snuggles up to my hand, holding onto it tightly.  He is growing up so quickly, but there is still such an innocence to him that I just love and cherish.

Love you Charlie Bear!

Tommy's First Field Trip to the Apple Farm

 Tommy's preschool went on their first field trip a few weeks ago.  He was SO excited and proud to be such a big boy!  He was so cute and when he wasn't climbing up one of the dozen or so tractors that he could test drive, he stuck pretty close to me.

 We have been to the apple farm fun fest before as a family, but that was 2 years ago and Tommy didn't remember all the fun.  There was so much to do and he went from each activity, mingling with some of his friends, happy to drive the tractors by himself :)

 My little farmer boy.  I think one of his favorite places in on a tractor, with his Grandpa of course. 

 Even Penny came along for the fun.  And fun we had! It was a beautiful day and I really enjoyed spending time with Tommy and Penny.  Tommy was so sweet and was missing Charlie.  So, when we stopped at the little apple store before leaving, he picked out an orange tractor lollipop for his Big Bro.  So...sweet!

In Sickness and in Health

I think that there must be many times in a marriage when you look at your spouse and you truly know that they have your back.  That they love you, flaws, illnesses, quirks and all.  And it is in the safety, the comfort of that love that you are able to grow strong again, to heal.

The vows we made to each other on that hot July day, are not just a group of words, a pretty sentence.  They are real, they have meaning and are to be lived.  I have witnessed in our marriage how when one is weak, the other one is strong and helps pick up the slack.  But never before has there been a time in our marriage when not only was one weak, but one was  not able to participate in the day to day basics of life.  Not until two  weeks ago.

Postpartum depression/anxiety isn't fun.  In fact it is rather painful, mentally and physically.  It takes its toll on not just the individual but the family as a whole.  I am getting better everyday but it is a process.

I am thankful for a husband who has graciously and lovingly, without complaint,  taken care of me and our children during these last few difficult weeks.  He is my partner, my best friend, greatest fan, hero and forever love.

I love you honey Trent, now and forever!

Tender Mercies

 When Charlie went off to first grade, one of the things that I worried about was the relationship between the boys.  They are a a little over two years a part and for the most part have done everything together, and that is the way they like it.  Yes, one minute they can be throwing each other down on the floor or trying to decapitate each other with their fierce pillow fights.  But I think that is how they show each other their "love" if you will.  Because the other will be the first to stand up to a rude friend it he doesn't allow all brothers to play in their game, and they run to each other's rescue over big tumbles and scrapes. 

 There are tender moments too between brothers.  Whether they are snuggled up watching a show together, loving on their sister together or playing their favorite Lego Star Wars Wii game.  These two love to spend time together.  So, my worries of if these two would remain best friends was proven to not be a worry at all when on the second day of school Charlie came bounding in the house with two new library books in hand.  A Clifford Kitten book for himself and a Clifford "mimi" fire truck book for his brother.  Charlie went on to tell me how he had been thinking of  his brother and how he just knew that Tommy would love a "mimi" book.

Tender mercies....Thank you God!