Wash me a new

Trent has been traveling a bit the last two weeks. That coupled with 2 extra days off of school for the kids, a birthday party and a killer migraine, left me a bit frazzled. Really it was the migraine that prompted me to send out an SOS text to my girls begging for prayers for my sanity.  I can kind of laugh about it now that it has passed....kind of ;)

Motherhood is hard sometimes, just plain hard.  Usually, I am the one that makes it most difficult though.  Comparing myself to what "other" mothers accomplish or do is really the evil of all things. And when I get overwhelmed with what I have NOT done, that is when the ugly, not so nice, cranky, needing to apologize later for MY bad behavior, Mommy comes rearing her ugly head!

And so while my friends were hitting their knees all over the city for me, I hit mine.  I knew the reason that my tank was empty.  Sure, a migraine, a traveling husband and extra activities didn't help, but really I was floundering in the sea of life because I had not knelled before Him in several days.  I needed to run back to Him in the quiet of my room, to reconnect if even for a few moments.  He met me there, right where I was, just like He always does. He washed me a new, clean like the snow and I was able to then be the mommy I so badly want to be.

The next day the children, one by one came down with a tummy ache.  I did a crazy thing, I kept them all home from school.  They could of gone to school and muddled through their day but I felt the gentle nudge of the Holy Spirit telling me to keep them close.  And so I did. We stayed in our jammies all day.  Daddy brought us gingerale, soup and ice cream for lunch. We rented  a movie and snuggled on the couch.  We napped and woke up at dinner time.  It was such a great day and I was grateful that I had listened and obeyed.

Perfect Bliss

This morning I woke up to a small boy standing next to our bed. He was bending down as close as he could to my face, binki in mouth, he tried to whisper (the boy did NOT come with a volume control button!!), but try he did.  "Mama, is it twime to go to Wicoles (Nicole's). I wanna put on my costume.  Can I wear the mask AND the cape?"  It was 5:30am.

By 6:30am both boys were up and I strategically placed them on opposite ends of the couch with cups full of milk and a fruit bar.  I figured it would buy us another thirty minutes of sleep, as long as little sister kept on snoozing.

8:15am came with the hustle and bustle of book bags, coats and school shoes.  One last check to make sure the costume was in the bag where I said it would be and that the treats were ready to go.  Three carseats buckled, Daddy at the wheel, coffee in hand and we were off.

The air was cold, frost on the car windshield.  The sun was peeking out from behind a handful of clouds and the trees sparkled in jewel tones.  It was beautiful and I wished out loud that everyday could be like this.

Trent and Tommy spent most of the day on search of a last minute STAR WARS costume for Daddy.  After a few attempts they came home empty handed. But with a little imagination and a few yards of fabric we had a cape that would make any Emperor proud!

After a quick trip to Wicoles :) for Tommy to show off is Darth Vader costume, we were off to the Halloween parade at Charlie's school.  I don't know who was more excited, me or the kids!  Penny was a good sport and let us squeeze her into the cupcake costume that I had picked out for her a few weeks back.  Seems our little cupcake has had a growth spurt since :)

How fun it was to watch all the little kids come parading out of the school and around the park.  Charlie looked so proud when he saw us.  He immediately started posing and acting like the real Luke Sky Walker.  Light sabers weren't allowed at school, but that didn't keep Charlie from acting as if.  He was adorable!  We were so happy for him.

After our Halloween fun for the day it was time for party planning. While Penny napped I set to work making tasty treats for Penny's birthday party and putting on the last minute touches for our not so scary Halloween party.   When she awoke from her slumber she joined me in the kitchen while we finished up.  Daddy helped put the eyes on our ghosts and whipped up that last batch of cupcakes.  There is something about being in the kitchen with my family, especially with Trent.  I love it.

After a long day I started to feel my energy drop so I headed upstairs for a quick rest.  I laid there snuggled in between our flannel sheets, my head resting on Trent's pillow.  Downstairs I could hear Trent preparing dinner for the boys.   Tommy fussed that he had mustard on his hand, Trent got a wipe to clean him up and spoke sweetly to Penny from across the room.  Charlie's laughter filled the house, some show had him going.  My heart was full.

I gave Penny her bottle and snuggled her close.  Her hair is so soft and fuzzy against my check.  She reached up and patted my face then grasped my hand with her fingers.  When she was done she buried her face in my neck and gave me a hug, something new for her.  She then proceeded to "zerbert" my neck and blow raspberries.  A new trick and we both laughed.  She is the sweetest girl.

The boys needed second and third warnings.  Tommy held my hand and tried to keep sleep from his eyes.  I rubbed noses with him and he smiled underneath the bink.  I know he is too old, but I don't care.  He has one left and then these sweet last bits of baby will be gone.  I am going to hold onto them for as long as I can.  He quickly drifted off to sleep.

Trent carried in dinner.  Our Friday night usual, Chipotle.  After a few bites a small voice came from upstairs "Mama, I can't sleep.  Dada?"  I snuggled with Charlie for a few minutes and listened to him as he spoke about what costumes his friend wore, a video they watched about needs and wants, and HOW excited he was the Ben H. was coming to the party tomorrow.  I rubbed his head and settled him down a bit.

And now I sit with my honey on the couch.  He is watching another horror Halloween flick, and I am taking the opportunity to jot down the memories of a perfectly blissful day.

Today I choose Joy, it was an easy choice.
*written on Friday, October 28th

Grateful

Tonight I am feeling overwhelmed with gratitude for the life that I live, bumps, mountains, valleys and all.  Life can be difficult, more then once I have been thrown a curve ball.  And each time I have fallen to my knees and reached out to my Lord and Savior for guidance, love and help.  I have often stumbled but I have never fallen so deep that God could not pick me up.

There have been times when I felt alone, scared, and uncertain of what the future would hold.  There is no promise of a tomorrow and that can be frightening at times.  However, I find great comfort is knowing that there is a promise of eternal life with Jesus, if I only believe.  And believe I do, with all my heart, with every fiber of my being.  There is nothing or no one that could make me believe otherwise.

To know a God that is all loving, full of mercy and grace.  To have that intimate relationship with Him and know that no matter how lonely I feel, how scared I get, that He is always with me.  He never leaves me, not for a second.  He is all powerful, mighty and majestic.  He is sweet and loving, comforting and caring. 

During my moments of weakness I often think of God our father.  What would my Dad here on Earth do if I was hurting, in pain? He would comfort me, probably give me a hug, bring me a milkshake :) and tell me that he loved me.  I know that our Heavenly Father would do the same and on an even great level.  I find so much comfort knowing this, it makes choosing happiness even in the valleys or climbing the mountains of life just a bit easier.

I feel so blessed to have a loving Heavenly Father.  I am grateful for the people that he has put in my life.  My husband, the man who has taken care of me, comforted me, gently rubbed my head and calmed my fears.  The man who has literally put everything on hold to help me get well.  He has shown his love for me and our family, time and time again through his actions.  Our family is stronger because of Trent.  Our family is happy and loving and kind and good, because of his example and love.

I often pray for Trent as the leader of our family.  What an incredible responsibility to hold.  And yet, he leads our family with such ease and confidence.  I know the experiences of the last few weeks have made him an even greater leader.  He has had to do things that he had never done before, make difficult decisions, and be brave and strong when I am sure he felt weak and alone.  But God has been right beside him, leading him. 

I feel as if our family has been protected, literally covered by God's grace these last few weeks.  My heart is full of gratitude tonight for my life, for my husband, our three sweet healthy children, our family and friends that have reached out to us in our time of need.  The daily phone calls checking in, emails, cards, flowers, dinners, babysitting, rides, and most importantly, prayers.  There have been so many people loving on our family, it has been amazing.

I thank God for all things. 

Life if good.

In Sickness and in Health

I think that there must be many times in a marriage when you look at your spouse and you truly know that they have your back.  That they love you, flaws, illnesses, quirks and all.  And it is in the safety, the comfort of that love that you are able to grow strong again, to heal.

The vows we made to each other on that hot July day, are not just a group of words, a pretty sentence.  They are real, they have meaning and are to be lived.  I have witnessed in our marriage how when one is weak, the other one is strong and helps pick up the slack.  But never before has there been a time in our marriage when not only was one weak, but one was  not able to participate in the day to day basics of life.  Not until two  weeks ago.

Postpartum depression/anxiety isn't fun.  In fact it is rather painful, mentally and physically.  It takes its toll on not just the individual but the family as a whole.  I am getting better everyday but it is a process.

I am thankful for a husband who has graciously and lovingly, without complaint,  taken care of me and our children during these last few difficult weeks.  He is my partner, my best friend, greatest fan, hero and forever love.

I love you honey Trent, now and forever!

Tender Mercies

 When Charlie went off to first grade, one of the things that I worried about was the relationship between the boys.  They are a a little over two years a part and for the most part have done everything together, and that is the way they like it.  Yes, one minute they can be throwing each other down on the floor or trying to decapitate each other with their fierce pillow fights.  But I think that is how they show each other their "love" if you will.  Because the other will be the first to stand up to a rude friend it he doesn't allow all brothers to play in their game, and they run to each other's rescue over big tumbles and scrapes. 

 There are tender moments too between brothers.  Whether they are snuggled up watching a show together, loving on their sister together or playing their favorite Lego Star Wars Wii game.  These two love to spend time together.  So, my worries of if these two would remain best friends was proven to not be a worry at all when on the second day of school Charlie came bounding in the house with two new library books in hand.  A Clifford Kitten book for himself and a Clifford "mimi" fire truck book for his brother.  Charlie went on to tell me how he had been thinking of  his brother and how he just knew that Tommy would love a "mimi" book.

Tender mercies....Thank you God!

J.O.Y

I’ve got a joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Down in my heart, down in my heart

I’ve got a joy, joy, joy, joy down in my heart
Down in my heart to stay.

And I’m so happy, so very happy
I got a love of JESUS in my heart
And I’m so happy, so very happy
I got a love of JESUS in my heart

I’ve got the love of JESUS down in my heart
Down in my heart, Down in my heart
I’ve got the love of JESUS down in my heart..
Down in my heart to stay..

I’ve got a peace that passes understanding
Down in my heart, Down in my heart! Down in my heart!
I’ve got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart
Down in my heart to stay.

*I remember singing this song as a little girl at Sunday school.  I remember that "Joy" I felt signing it, meaning every word. I have loved Jesus for as long as I can remember.  He has been "down in my heart" all these years, even though there have been times that I haven't necessarily reached out to him.

*I have been reading A.LOT lately.  All kinds of books about all kinds of subjects. I am gleaning so much from so many of the authors, all of them moms just like me that love the Lord and strive to live a Godly life. And just like me, they are all human and often fall short.  The amazing thing is though that God never takes back His grace and He is oh, so willing to share His mercy.

*An underlying theme in some of the books that I have been reading is about J.O.Y.   To find joy in all things.  The way to do this is to keep Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last.  I have to say that I am amazed at the changes that take place in my heart when I do this.  This is also hard for me to do because I can be a selfish and self centered person.  And even though I think I will always struggle with those traits at varying degrees, I also know that they can be changed and that my heart can be softened even further.  My heart has come a long way, but has even further to go.   Today, I am choosing to live with J.O.Y in my life.


*I also want Trent and our children to know that I find complete joy in being his wife and their mother.  There is no greater job for me, no where I would rather be.  Everyday I say prayers of thanksgiving to God for the family I have been blessed with.  My heart often fills full to the point of overflowing when I think of how much I am in love with my husband and how dear our children are to me.  But how often do my dear sweet ones know those true feelings, and not because I have told them 1,000 times, but because they feel them and SEE them in my actions?

*Something else I am taking away from my list of good reads is to keep a gentle spirit and a quiet voice.  I am really trying to not get frustrated with the kids and raise my voice or ask them 10 times to do something...which only makes me more frustrated. I have started to correct their behavior right away and do so in a loving but firm way.  I have stopped yelling requests from a different room only to not be "heard".  I have also started to praise them  more and encourage them more, trying to see all the good things that they do and give my expectations to the Lord.  When asking them to complete a task, I am now showing them how to do it and then letting them do it while I observe them and then offering further instruction if needed.   Seems pretty basic, simple common sense methods, but sometimes I really need things spelled out for me.

I have been really trying to keep my voice low and come to the children from a place of complete love and patience.  (As I write this during our quiet time, Tommy just pushed the limits and ending up head butting me in the mouth, a bloody fat lip is the result.  I can honestly say that I am trying to do these things, but sometimes, like 3 minutes ago, my first impulse is to react.  )  But even though I am still prone to not react from a gentle, loving place, there are more times of late that I do react in a positive way.  Within a few days of trying on my new gentle voice Charlie told me 2 times that I was being so "kind" to him.  Both boys have also been much better with their listening and I don't get frustrated with them as much.  

*There is so much joy in my life and I want those that I love dearly to see that joy on a daily basis.  I am encouraged to know that I don't have to be "perfect" in this quest, that there are other moms out there just like me who are trying to raise Godly children and live in a Godly marriage.  I am also excited to know that the flaws and character defects that I have held on to for so long can be changed.  All I need to do is continue to give my life to God, He will do the rest.

Some of the scripture that I have been encouraged by lately:

The Holy Spirit-he will teach you everything and will remind you of everything I have told you. I am leaving you with a gift-peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift the world cannot give.  So don't be troubled or afraid.   John 15:26-27

Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows.  But take heart, because I have overcome the world  John 16:33

Wherever your treasure is, there the desires of your heart will also be.  Matthew 6:21

Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for.  Keep on seeking and you will find.  Keep on knocking and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks, receives.  Everyone who seeks, finds.  And to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened.  Matthew 7:7-8

This is my favorite.  Every day I find joy in the life the God has provided but I am still a sinner, imperfect, fearful, selfish.  If I were made perfect I would not need to seek the mercy and grace of the Lord.  I truly believe that it is through my struggles and moments of doubt that my relationship with God deepens and becomes stronger. 

My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.  2 Corinthians 12:8

Today, June 20, 2011

Today is Monday.  A lot of people dread Mondays, but I really like them.  A new week starts, fresh and new.  Monday brings the promise of great things to be had, another week of adventures.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE me a good Friday and cherish our weekend family time.  But I think that Mondays get a bad wrap.

We are in full summer throttle over here.  Camp, swim lessons, eating out on the porch, lazy late afternoon siestas, ice cream stops, weekly hikes, creek walks, vacation planning.  I am loving it!  I have to admit that I feel guilty, I definitely have the better end of the deal here.   Not that my job isn't difficult, I just happen to really like my employers.


I am so grateful for days like today.  Spending time with our children, watching them grow, teaching them about life.  I am learning that the level of serenity in our home is greatly influenced by my attitude.  Even when the day is full of whining, fighting and tantrums, if I my response is firm but calm, everything seems to run so much smoother.  

Today hasn't been perfect by any means, Trent is out of town and I miss him terribly, the boys both got little cuts at the pool and had complete melt downs on the way home etc.  But we have also had so much fun, laughed a lot and shared some good cuddles along the way.  I just love days like today when I am full of peace, love for my family, and hope that all the little wrinkles in our daily life eventually get ironed out.  I have had so many moments lately where I am filled with excitement for what adventures tomorrow holds, even the bruised knees and numerous time outs!

Life Lessons

Trent and Charlie, March 21, 2006

Life lessons I have learned this week.

*I don't need a break (a few weeks, days or hours) from my kids, my husband or my "life".  And if I feel that way then I just need to stick closer to the Big Guy, you know, God.  Even though I have learned this week that I get way more accomplished around here when one kiddo is off doing fun stuff, I have also learned that then the house is strangely quiet and I would rather have the noise and all my little buddies,  then an empty yet clean house :)

*It is really ok to leave dirty dishes in the sink over night.

*A stern, loud voice can break a spirit.  A gentle, yet firm voice can settle even the silliest of boys.

*Chocolate chip cookies don't taste as good as they use to.

*Life and death happen, but God has it all under control.

*I need to be more flexible and I am not talking about my body.

*I love my husband, I really, really, really love him. ( I didn't just learn that this week though!)

* The kids daily devotion was about letting vile things come from your mouth.  They used a story about 2 little girls that were talking badly about a friend. The story went on to say how God wants to be nice to others and not say mean things.  I think I need to be a better example of this to our children and my husband.  How often do they hear me not using the nicest words to describe someone or something.  How often do I run to Trent and "unload" my opinions and judgement of others.  Not too pretty.

*One of the biggest gifts I have been given is TODAY, right now.  So, what am I going to do with it?

Getting Ready For Baby: The Season of Slow

About a week ago (at 34w) the realization hit me that I have entered a new season in my life, the Season of Slow. No longer can I pack our schedule with playdates, Bible studies, school, doctor's appointments, house projects, cleaning or fun outings. Sure a few of those a week are fine, but not daily and not with the intensity that we have been going at. It is time to slow down, or so my body and God are telling me. When I am quiet and still and actually listen, I can hear God's direction for me to follow. This time I am listening :)

We have only a few shorts weeks before we will be blessed with the birth of our daughter. We can't wait, but we also know that it will be a time of transition and many sleepless nights (sleep is HUGE in our house!). I want to go into this beautiful time with as much inner peace, serenity and joy as possible.

I want to spend these next few weeks doing what is most important, spending time together and enjoying each other. It will never again be just Trent, I and the boys. And even though we are anxiously awaiting our little lady, we are also wanting to enjoy this time with just our favorite fellas.

So the calendar has been cleared. The necessities will continue to get done and we will fit in a few more fun outings before the big day arrives. We will still visit with friends and continue on with our schooling. And doctors appointments has become like playing trains at our house, something that happens almost daily :)

I am so grateful for this time. I am feeling pretty good most days and feel blessed for these next few weeks that I can spend preparing our family and home for another little person! I am grateful to have our boys close by and with me most of the time. And I couldn't of made it through some of these hard days and difficult situations that have presented themselves in the last few months without the love and constant support of Trent. I am forever grateful!

The Party Has Just Begun.............

Grandma Jane "Nie Nie"
1950-2010

Our dear sweet Nie Nie went to be with Jesus last week. Our hearts are broken but our spirits are at peace knowing that we will see her again.
We love you so much and miss you terribly.

The backyard, yesterday and today

The other day I was fed up with our backyard. We had it all nice and pretty looking at the beginning of the summer. Mulch down, Daisies planted, porch painted. And then life happened. The kids strategically moved the mulch around the yard in their dump trucks, the dog dug up and ate the Daisies and we are in the midst of porch renovations. Oh and did I mention that I am 8 months pregnant and haven't the energy to pull weeds or fill in holes in the garden beds that said children and dog have dug?

Unfortunately, I voiced my disdain for the backyard to my dear, overworked, tired and sick husband and in not such a nice way either. I even think the word "Trashy" was used. Immediate shame and remorse filled my being. I hate it when I catch myself complaining about something so silly as the current state of our flower beds, it is ridiculous really.
*******

Today is a new day. My expectations are more realistic for the season of our lives. The boys and Miss S. are busy in the backyard playing. Miss S and Tommy are pretending that they are "going to Nie Nie and Papa's house" and Charlie is mining (digging holes on the side of the house), the dog eating an orange sand bucket and I am planning curriculum for the next week of school and blogging. The sun is out in full force and the sky is a bright blue, not a cloud in it and it is cool enough for a sweater.

The backyard feels so warm and inviting today, our own little green paradise. It is bright and big and full of laughter, it is beautiful and peaceful.
******
I apologized to my tired, sick and overworked husband last night. He is so forgiving and loving. He kindly reminded me that there had been a lot of big changes to our little oasis this summer...his way of telling me it is all ok, and it is, it is better then ok!

Baby Update: 28 weeks

(profile of baby)

Here she is, our sweet little girl. I already think she looks like her brothers!

(front shot of baby's face)

When Tommy saw this picture he said "whoooo, Halloween guy" because it is a skeletal view of of the babies face :)
And here is an outside of view of our little lady. Chin is long gone and so are the ankles, all small sacrifices :)

Baby is growing great, she is measuring a week larger then what she actually is which is not a surprise to us. My OB has been preparing me for another large baby. It will be whatever it is going to be :)

The lab in my OB's office did not do our genetic testing that we had ordered. They took my blood for it and then for some reason tossed the blood before running the test. When the mistake was caught, I was over the deadline for being able to have the tests run and have correct results. When pregnant it seems that all tests are time sensitive and need to be preformed within certain weeks of your pregnancy. Needless to say, I was not to thrilled about the mistake. However, from all the ultrasounds we have had everything looks great, so that is reassuring.

This week I went in for my Gestational Diabetes test. I failed the first test :( but this also happened when I was pregnant with Charlie and I didnt have GD. So, I am praying that I don't have it this time either! I go back on Thursday for the 3 hour, 3 blood draw test...yippee!! Nie Nie is coming to stay with the boys and take them to their swimming lesson. Knowing that she will be with them really makes me feel so much better about the whole day. I am definitely stressed, but trying to stay positive. And besides, I can use that 3 hour of alone time to work on some of the Christmas presents that I have been busy making :)

Lately I have just been trying to stay positive. My body does not enjoy being pregnant. I LOVE the outcome but the journey getting there is usually a rough one for me and this pregnancy has been harder then the others for several reasons. I have been battling a lot of anxiety lately, just from being in chronic pain of my pelvis separating, worrying about loss of baby, and trying to maintain life as "normal" for Charlie and Thomas. But with a lot of prayer and reading of scripture I find that I am winning this battle with my anxiety, one step at a time. I know that God is in control and that the pain I am experiencing right now is only temporary, that I need to turn over this baby to God and not worry, and that our boys are just fine whether then watch tv most of the morning or I am able to take them out on adventure. I know myself, and I am starting to hit that wall of "I can't do this any longer". I know that I have at least 12 weeks to go, and so I am trying to stay as positive as possible and slow down my pace a little. I keep reminding myself that our life is truly wonderful right now, and I am trying each day to enjoy every moment of it. I feel so blessed to be carrying this little one!

Trent has been WONDERFUL in these last 7.5months! He rubs my back almost every night, puts up with my snoring, runs out to get ice cream when a craving hits, takes the boys on adventures with him giving me some much needed down time, carries all laundry baskets upstairs, does not complain about ordering take out...again and continues to plug away at all the house projects that are needing attention before our little one arrives. I can tell he is excited to have a daughter and often comments when we are out about what teenage girls are wearing. I have a feeling that he is going to be rather protective of little baby girl!

Charlie is still excited about having a sister and looks through my pregnancy books often. I have been very straight forward with answering his questions as to how the baby will get out of my tummy, how it got there etc. Tommy seems to be excited too, however, I sense a bit of jealousy already. In the last few days he has reminded me that he is the baby and that he wants to go back in my tummy. Even though he has enjoyed moving to the Big Boy Room, I think that it is a bit unsettling to him to see us slowly redo the nursery that was not to long ago his room. We are doing things slowly and I think that will help him, but he is still very aware of what is going on.

12 weeks to go, the time is flying by!!

Stephanie Nielson and the pancake pan

Today was one of those days, you know, one of those monthly hormone driven days. Sorry friends and family that had to endure my wrath, amends were made in person! :)

Anywho....standing at the kitchen counter smattering butter onto wheat bread I was thinking of Stephanie Nielson. If you don't know Stephanie I highly recommend that you go and meet her...here. She is a delightful, God centered, doting wife and adoring mother, and a survivor of a horrific plane crash. Flip through her blog for a minute and you will see why this dear soul inspires me, everyday!

I think a lot about Stephanie but today, mid butter smear I was thinking about the fact that after the plane crash her family moved the 4 small Nielson children from their home in Arizona to Utah to be cared for by Stephanie's family while their parents fought the fight of their lives. And how months after the crash when Stephanie was well enough to finally leave the hospital and go "home" that she was unable to go "home" to the house that she and Christian her husband and made into a home with their children in Arizona. Stephanie's new "home" was now in Utah, a house so generously bought for the Nielsons by her sister and brother in law so that Stephanie's extended family could care for them and their children long term if needed....now that is a Christmas present! But "home" was the Arizona house, the house that family members lovingly packed up and moved the contents to Utah while Stephanie slept, the house where sticky fingers smeared the large glass sliding doors and where Christian had hand crafted a tree house for the kids. That was/is home.

Can you imagine leaving your home one day, say to run some errands or go on a weekend getaway with your husband.....never to return. To never be able to look out your kitchen window while washing dishes, never to run around your backyard pulling small children in plastic yellow jeep, never to lay in your bed looking at the stars talking to your husband while hearing the soft hum of your child's noise machine. Wow, that is pretty deep.

So I am thinking all of this, feeling "off", making grilled cheese sandwiches for lunch and reach down in the cabinet to pull out pans for the stove. I reach and and pull out his pan, his pancake pan, you know, my Mr. Lydic's pancake pan. The pan that he uses every Sunday morning to make us his lovely pancake creations. The pan that has been loved so often and so methodically that one can see the imprints of perfectly formed pancakes on it.....simply lovely.

And that is when it hit me, on this gloomy, rainy, off day. What is my problem? I have ALL that I want, I have ALL that I need. Stop complaining and start being grateful.....

So, Stephanie Nielson, and the pancake pan both inspired me today to remember my truth and live it, even on my "off" days.